I came to a shocking realization a few hours ago. I couldn't believe it and I really just felt like I needed to share it with all of our readers. (all 3 of you! :/)
I never realized but my trips to Walmart always go the exact same way every time and it's actually pretty impressive. This is my 20 step Walmart Experience.
1) Almost hit 2 pedestrians in the road while trying to find a parking spot.
2) Follow the car with the 89 year-old woman down the first row of spaces where I wait for approximately 7 minutes until another car leaves the handicapped spot.
3) After weaving in and out of every row of spaces, find an open space the farthest away from the store.
4) Vow to just park in the back the next time instead of searching.
5) Unknowingly grab the most fucked up cart they offer.
6) Push fucked up cart and draw as much attention to myself as possible.
7) Run into someone I really don't want to see. (Repeat multiple times)
8) Be a part of a huge cart jam in aisle.
9) Buy something I don't need.
10) Be a part of a huge cart jam in aisle.
11) Enter the slowest cashier's lane despite thinking I picked the fastest line.
12) Move to a faster moving lane.
13) Remember I forgot to get milk and decide it isn't worth it to leave the line.
14) Realize that the new line is worse than the other I originally picked.
15) Contemplate killing myself.
16) Smile extra big and ask the cashier how his/her day is going and then feel nothing but shame when they don't really feel like talking to me.
17) Remember that I forgot at least 3 items that I meant to get as I load groceries.
18) Watch people not push their cart in the cart holders and hope I have enough alcohol at home.
19) Almost hit 2 more pedestrians as I leave parking lot.
20) Vow to never return.
and repeat.
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