walmart -gina b

I came to a shocking realization a few hours ago. I couldn't believe it and I really just felt like I needed to share it with all of our readers. (all 3 of you! :/)
I never realized but my trips to Walmart always go the exact same way every time and it's actually pretty impressive. This is my 20 step Walmart Experience.

1) Almost hit 2 pedestrians in the road while trying to find a parking spot. 
2) Follow the car with the 89 year-old woman down the first row of spaces where I wait for approximately 7 minutes until another car leaves the handicapped spot. 
3) After weaving in and out of every row of spaces, find an open space the farthest away from the store. 
4) Vow to just park in the back the next time instead of searching. 
5) Unknowingly grab the most fucked up cart they offer. 
6) Push fucked up cart and draw as much attention to myself as possible.   
7) Run into someone I really don't want to see. (Repeat multiple times)
8) Be a part of a huge cart jam in aisle.
9) Buy something I don't need.
10) Be a part of a huge cart jam in aisle.
11) Enter the slowest cashier's lane despite thinking I picked the fastest line.
12) Move to a faster moving lane.
13) Remember I forgot to get milk and decide it isn't worth it to leave the line.
14) Realize that the new line is worse than the other I originally picked.
15) Contemplate killing myself.
16) Smile extra big and ask the cashier how his/her day is going and then feel nothing but shame when they don't really feel like talking to me.
17) Remember that I forgot at least 3 items that I meant to get as I load groceries. 
18) Watch people not push their cart in the cart holders and hope I have enough alcohol at home.
19) Almost hit 2 more pedestrians as I leave parking lot.
20) Vow to never return.

and repeat. 

failbook -mara b

facebook is a beautiful thing. a technological advance that offers endless opportunity.  opportunity for creeping on slam pieces you've never met and probably never will, for once in your life being able to say you have more than 11 friends and pretending like 98% are not purely electronic, and for overall contributing to you accomplishing nothing that night before that huge test and furthermore probably in life. however, i will say facebook sometimes redeems itself. it must get tired of having the burden of publicizing so many ignorant and seemingly illiterate f*cks of our world today. so here i present to you a healthy collage of the intelligents. the elites, if you will. the ones who make facebook worthwhile. the sole reason i get up in the morning (that and a nice glass of perfectly aged scotch on the rocks, amiright or amiright?)

i don't know what else really needs to be said other than the fact that female jenn is going to make a great uncle. to a lucky little boy who will hopefully never meet her/him.

will do! thnx alex! :D

and we thought generations were getting worse? kasey's optimism inspires me to do great things. as long as that is what my taxpayer dollars are going towards. keep us posted, kase. i hope you'll STILL BE LOOKIN HOT AS HELL with a nice dose of herpes and some lesbian prison friends.

his goatee isn't stupid, geri.

yeah james, of course sarah knows who jesus is. don't be so quick to assume.

congrats to you on the new credit card! and congrats to me on all of its information, my new car, a lifetime supply of plan b, and a kilo of cocaine!

thanks for being honest. feel free to not question why you probably have about 0 friends to give you feedback. no regretz <3